I had to bear some bad news recently.

I had supported a college friend’s nonprofit venture for many years. The nonprofit in turn changed some of their focus, and I knew it was time to discontinue our support. I wished my friend well, but could no longer provide financial support. So I stopped the automatic draft.

I wish I could have told my friend in person. But he lives over a thousand miles away. For a variety of reasons, a phone conversation was not an option.

So it was to be an email. In this situation, deliver the bad news first. Get that out of the way, explain your reasons, and wish them the best.

I started off with the reality: “this feels awkward”. Which was true. And I continued, “but I wanted to tell you myself: we need to stop our monetary support.”

Getting that out of the way, I explained what had happened to make this necessary. It didn’t make my task easy but it made sure my friend understood why this had happened, and that it wasn’t a personal issue.

Digest version:

1. Acknowledge the difficulty of saying what you have to say and say the bad news. Say it as kindly as you can, but also as directly as you can. Don’t leave any ambiguity.
2. Explain why you’ve come to this decision.
3. As much as you can, wish the person the best wishes you can give, and close the conversation.

In person, by phone, or by email, this works. Life is full of changes of this nature. It’s important to say why you’re doing what you’re doing. Saying why keeps your life from having a clutter of emotional baggage.