There’s something awkward about class reunions.

Class reunions are popular, a gathering together and catch up time, usually for those with whom we graduated from high school or college. People often go to great lengths to impress the others there, and these events have no doubt been the impetus for weight loss, plastic surgery, and wardrobe revamps.

But they’re still awkward. Generally, there’s a few you’ve kept up with over the years – however many those years are. And there’s a slightly larger number whom you’re aware of, and vaguely familiar with what they’re doing.

But the vast majority of the people are often those whom you know nothing about and nothing in common but a slice of ever receding history. They are usually people you had little in common with when you were in school, and a lot less now. Those you were friends with may have remained friends, or not.

But these gatherings usually bring a thousand painful moments of distracted conversations with someone you had nothing in common with then, and certainly nothing now. The chit chat inevitably revolves around classes you might have had together, events that happened in school ten, twenty, or more years before, and when you’ve exhausted those, there’s nothing else there.

Which in one sense is fine. All of us make small talk with strangers, knowing it’s just small talk, and inconsequential. The problem with events such as these is that we painfully sense that we should have something to talk about, and most of us feel guilty that we don’t. Knowing that we’re not really supposed to get into deep discussions, we revert to a weird play, where we are actors in a drama called school, and we become what we were then. Those who were shy or introverted then often drop back into that patterned behavior, no matter how skilled or accomplished or popular they are now. People who were the envy of the rest of the class then often fall back into that pattern for a few hours, even if they’ve done little of consequence since graduation. Writer Paul Theroux described a reunion as being like a strange cult where everyone was the same age.

If you are still in contact with someone, there’s a reason. If you’re still friends, there’s a reason. But if neither of those is true, accept what those hours are going to mean. It’s okay to remember, and it’s okay to catch up with others. But you’re not friends with someone because you went to school with them. And knowing that can free you to enjoy these moments for what they are. And not what someone is necessarily expecting them to be.