A while back, I talked about, for want of a better phrase, getting rid of people in your life. Which sounds harsher than I intend to. But it’s a reality in your life. Especially now.

Being yourself is always good advice and by being yourself, I mean to be positively, authentically who and what you are, and negatively, to avoid hiding things about yourself. It’s easy and tempting to do that now. We are living in a polarized time, and there’s a constant temptation to cater the self you present to others to avoid unpleasantness.

An example. I had a friend whom I’d known, off and on, for some decades. Slightly older than me, I’d first met him through a relative when I was in high school. We became reacquainted some thirty years ago.

There have always been both things in common, and things we disagreed about, but there was also an unspoken agree-to-disagree about those things. The friendship was steady, if not always close.

Earlier last year, the two of us had lunch. In the course of the conversation, I expressed a political opinion. This particular opinion is not violent or dangerous or bigoted, and by the standards of 2021, not even particularly controversial. But when I expressed that opinion in the course of our conversation, I felt a chill come over the table. I assumed that chill would pass. I was wrong. I’ve been ghosted since then, and I suspect that’s the end of this relationship.

And I’ve thought about the conversation since then. Should I have said what I did? Of course. Because when we hide something like that, it’s a shutting down of part of oneself. It’s one thing to guard what is said with, for example, a child. But part of being an adult is knowing that other adults have thoughts and opinions that are part of the fabric of their life, and should be respected even when not agreed with.

Because those opinions and tastes and interests are part of what makes us who we are. And a life spent guarding what opinions and tastes and interests from being manifest to the world gives us a new aspect to our lives: cowardice. I don’t want cowardice to be part of my life. And I don’t want it to be part of the identity of those I’m around.

To get more basic: someone who does not like your opinions and stands and quirks and foibles does not like you. They may like some aspects about you, but they don’t like who you fundamentally are.

So be open. Be authentic. If disagreements come up (they will) express yourself authentically, listen to the thoughts and opinions of the other party, and seek to understand them. But someone who does not return that favor is not worthy of your friendship. There are other people out there who may not agree with you. They will, however, take you seriously, and respect you for who you are. Seek out that kind of friendship, and your life will be both authentic and happier.