One of the hardest things to learn is also one of the most important.

It’s the art of saying that you’re sorry.

On one level, this should be a no-brainer, and simple. Do something wrong to someone? Admit your mistake, tell them you’re sorry, and ask their forgiveness.

But for most of us, this is difficult. Often, extremely so. Because it involves a direct assault on our ego, because we’re admitting that something (however small or large) that we’ve done was a mistake, and we’re admitting that what we did damaged someone else And we cherish our ego and protect it at all costs.

Not admitting error, not seeking to rectify a mistake messes up our lives. Because those mistakes remain and fester and destroy our lives, the lives of those around us, screw up relationships, and lead our personalities into paths where we shouldn’t want to go. And the longer we go without resolving these issues, the more messed up our lives become.

So how to do this? The secret is to admit wrong. Don’t make excuses, don’t argue, and don’t – initially – try to make it right. Just say something very similar to this: “I’m sorry I did [whatever you did]. I was wrong. I would be very grateful if you could forgive me.”

The person you’re apologizing to may not forgive. They are not obligated to. All you are responsible for is admitting your wrong. But you will be surprised that most of the time, there will be forgiveness, because there is nothing so rare as a real apology.

Cleaning out the messes in our lives can take time. And depending on how old these messes are, it can take a lot of time and energy, mental and otherwise. But they are worth the work. I’m not a huge fan of New Year’s resolutions (they’re often artificial, and most of us don’t follow through) but if you’re looking for a way to change your life in 2022, you have a real option here: the easiest and hardest resolution you’ll ever try. Learn to admit error. Learn to say you’re sorry. And most important, learn to be forgiven.